Staying at home

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I’ve witnessed a miracle today. I’m sitting in my backyard ALONE while BOTH babies nap. The rainy weather SoCal endured the last several months seems to have vanished and the beautiful sun has offered its’ welcome. Not to mention this breeze has bewitched me body and soul. Spring is on its way and I could not be more pleased. 

In this moment I can’t help but reminisce on that very first article I ever wrote for True Motherhood. 

I spent the entire summer wrestling with the voices inside my head saying I had nothing to write about, nothing to say. But on that cool 75 degree day, on that wooden Ikea ÄPPLARÖ chair, I finally chose to hush all my fears for the moment and just write. While Shiloh napped, my fingers danced amongst this very keyboard, words spilling out of me like sweet champagne.  

And with every post since then, I’m discovering the words I once thought were insignificant and worthless to anyone else, are in fact the very opposite. With every new topic and as I share these thoughts with you, I’m slowly learning to hold my head up a little higher and see that my voice does matter. 

After my last post on marriage, I could not have anticipated your response. I almost didn’t post it. I wanted to drag the file into this little trash can that occupies the bottom right corner of my screen. But to receive comment after comment, and text after text, made me feel like I was being seen in a way I never have before. 

It felt and still feels like I am finally doing the very thing I was created to do.  

So thank you. 

Thank you for reading. Thank you for responding. And thank you for asking for more. 

As a stay-at-home mom, the feelings of insignificance and irrelevancy to society haunt me daily. Before kids, I loved to work. I might have complained a bit (okay maybe a lot) about the long hours or the missed social events, but I loved the sense of accomplishment I felt at the end of each day. The paycheck didn’t hurt either. 

Besides this blog, my only contribution to today’s world does not exceed the walls of this house.  Bargaining with a two year old to put on her pants does not feel like I’m achieving anything.   Mopping the floors at 9pm doesn’t feel like I’m here to change the world. Dodging grocery carts with a baby strapped to my chest and a toddler howling for more snacks makes me feel more like a burden to this world than an active contributor. 

Every night when my head hits my pillow, I go over everything I didn’t accomplish. 

You forgot the last load of laundry. You didn’t start the dishwasher. You forgot to make her school lunch again. I’m pretty sure there’s mold growing in the bathrooms. Clean the toilets for goodness sake. 

Failure. Failure. Failure. 

But before those thoughts consume me, I start replaying every smile Noah gave me, every new phrase Shiloh repeated with a giggle in her throat, every time Shiloh chose to say “esscuze me” instead of yelling over me. And then I realize that these are my successes. Even on the hardest of days, I know I’m contributing something. I know my work, my assignment is to raise these little girls into women who are kind, respectful, and who love well.  

We only house our babies for 18, maybe 21 years. In their lifetime, Lord willing, they will spend more time outside these walls than in them.  So even though our job does not come with a paycheck or require a degree or even decent clothing, our job is literally the most important job on this planet. Because when it comes time for them to go out into the world, if we’ve done our job well, I’m 100% convinced they will be the men and women this world needs.

However, the story that motherhood is the most important job in the world for our babies is only half the tale. If you allow it, you’ll see that motherhood is the most important job for you.  

The only way to teach our children to be respectful to others means we must show respect. The only way to teach our children to be kind means we must be kind. The only way to teach our children to love those they do not understand means we must love others we do not understand. 

Who they become will be an echo of who we are. And that’s why this is the most important job in the world for us. If you allow it, you will become the person you were created to be.

Yes, I love to write. I love the challenge and the joy it brings me. It wasn’t until I started True Motherhood that my mind began daydreaming about the things I want to accomplish in this lifetime.  I want my words to be published.  I want to write a book. I want to travel the world. I want to connect mothers in a way that moves mountains. 

However, there is a difference between knowing what I was created to do and knowing who I was created to be.

So my point is, if you are a stay-at-home mom like me, remember that life is a process. If you feel like you have to put your dreams on hold because you had a baby, you do not. If you feel like you threw away you're college degree because you chose to give it all up for your child, you don’t have to. Our lives have not come to a halt because we chose motherhood. We are simply pausing the pursuit to gain the confidence and discover the places in our hearts that may have been untouched until now.

And that matters big time.

C. S. Lewis once said, “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” And I couldn’t agree more.