Starting Over

Hello again. 

It’s been way too long. 

So where do I begin?

Welp, 2016 sucked. Big time. Like, I don’t know if there has ever been a more anticipated end to a year in my entire life. If it weren't for the perfect birth of my darling baby girl Noah, I would happily delete 2016 from existence.

2016 was a year of survival for me. I just did what I had to do to keep everyone alive. And that’s it. I barely exercised. I chose to clean instead of write. I thought going to bed early was more important than giving my husband my attention.  I was completely disconnected from myself. 

By November, I was out of shape, creatively dull, and relationally empty.

At least my house was clean. 

Now I do recognize that I spent the majority of the year pregnant, and then the rest of it fully immersed in the newborn fog. I am giving myself a little bit of grace, but mostly only because people tell me to. 

The moment I stood back and saw the tragedy that was my life, I realized I only have one of these lives. And I don’t want to just survive it, I want to live it with all the audacity I know how. 

One of the beautiful things about life is that in a moment we have the authority to put an end to our misery. Meaning, in an instant I can choose to say no to this life and start creating a different one. 

So even though 2016 marked one of the most challenging years in my life, I can honestly say I’ve never been more full of hope and ready to start over. 

I miss the feeling of learning something new. I miss the feeling of formulating a sentence without second guessing myself. I miss the feeling of my heart pounding outside of my chest. I miss having a conversation with my husband without being interrupted by a crying baby or needy toddler. 

I get that it’s already January 8th, and I’ve already missed the resolutions train. BUT in the spirit of New Year’s resolutions, I’ve crafted a list of things for myself to accomplish and reincorporate into my life. I decided to share them with you for a couple of reasons. First, I know if I write them down, I’ll be able to fully understand what it is I’m setting out to do. Secondly, I know if I don’t tell anyone, I won’t do them. Lastly, I thought maybe one of you might want to join in with me.

So here we go 2017. 

Read one book a month.

I read exactly 1.25 books last year. Not that I’ve held an impressive record of books read in years prior, but last year’s was the ultimate worst. 

As a mom, spare time is rare. It is invaluable. As a mom, you can’t even consider a trip to the bathroom a moment of spare time. Even if you do get away for a moment, your two year old will find you and she will bang on the door until you let her in.

Last year, I did not use my spare time wisely. Every moment I had to myself, if I wasn’t cleaning up the day’s mess, I was watching TV. Not that there is anything wrong with TV, I just chose to watch others live their dreams while I complained about not living mine. 

Not that reading one book a month will solve my living the dream scenario, I just feel it will be a better use of my time and help contribute to my next resolution. 

Write weekly. 

I have sworn to myself (and now to you) that I will write on a weekly basis. It might be crap writing, but I’ll just have to get over it. A big excuse I convinced myself of last year was that I had nothing interesting to say. That totally could’ve been true, but this year I don’t even care. I just gotta do it. Nike. 

Do something active every day.

With my first pregnancy, I felt absolutely amazing. I exercised 2-3 times a week. I would frequently forget I was even pregnant. I literally was doing lunges the day before I gave birth. (insert eye roll here)

My second pregnancy, not so much. My body ached constantly. I exercised 2-3 times a month, if that. And now I’m paying for it. 

So this year, I have no excuses. I will do something active every day. Whether that’s 10 minutes of stretching, 10 minutes of jumping jacks, or 20 squats before jumping in the shower, I need to show myself that my body is just as important as the rest of my family. 

I’m also turning thirty this year. I have a very big expectation for how I will look at thirty so I can’t let some chocolate and cheese stand in the way of my personal goal. 

Minimize.

This one is a big one. I’m sick of spending my time shopping for unnecessary things. When you start to realize that things don’t make you happy and they don’t really add value to your life, all you want to do is purge. Before Christmas, I started getting rid of toys, clothes, and all that Target dollar spot junk and it feels glorious. 

However, this isn’t just about the feeling of getting rid of junk, but more about being a better parent. These babies are growing up way too quickly. I find myself hanging onto every moment so I don’t miss a thing. Except, I also find myself dragging them out of the house to spend our spare family time shopping. Instead of enjoying my babies, I’m carting them around, missing nap time, just so I can get a discounted sweater to add to my overflowing closet. 

When my girls grow up and talk about their childhood, I want their stories to be full of adventure and exploration. So no more unnecessary shopping trips. A subcategory for this goal will be to find new ways to spend our quality time as a family. 

I’ve never been more excited for a new year. Thank you Jesus for new beginnings.