A Mother's Promise
I don’t know how to describe the amount of relief I felt the moment the doctor revealed I’m carrying yet another girl. If you read one of my latest posts, “Dear Baby,” then you know why. I know how to mother a girl. Having a boy meant signing up for the unknown and that scared me shitless.
Except when I stopped to really think about another girl, an entirely new wave of fears rushed over me. I don’t know how to mother two girls. Growing up with two brothers meant my childhood was full of special treatment. I never dealt with hand-me-downs. I didn’t have to share my baby dolls with anyone. It was all mine. Muahhhh ahhhh ahhhh.
I have absolutely no idea what it is like to be a sister. I have no concept of growing up underneath the same roof as another girl. Even though that is partly why I wanted a girl, I didn’t realize before hand, I have no idea how to handle that scenario. All I know is what I’ve witnessed. I’ve seen some pretty amazing relationships between sisters, but I’ve also seen some unfortunate ones.
On one hand you have those unbreakable bonds and life-long companionships that are sweet to witness. And then you have those competitive sisters, with one always feeling like the lesser, living a life of comparison.
So even though I got what I asked for, I feel the need to just put it out there that I don’t know what the crap I’m doing. The only thing I do know is this:
The last thing I ever want to do is make either of my girls feel like they have to live a life of competition with one another.
So today I want to publicly make them some promises. I want to hold myself accountable. I want my close friends and family to hold me accountable to these promises. And my greatest hope is that one day my girls hold me accountable to these promises.
To My Girls…
I promise to protect your beauty and never allow anyone to compare your beauty with your sister’s. There is nothing worse than hearing things like, “You know, the pretty one,” or “Your daughter (singular) is so beautiful.” Don’t worry, I already have my answer, “Yes. They are both insanely beautiful, aren’t they?” I don’t care if they are incapacitated, I’ll make sure nobody gets away with these rude remarks. Until the day I die, I promise to defend both of you and your unique beauty.
I promise to never make you feel less than perfect. Somewhere along the line, you might start noticing differences between you and your sister and every other girl out there. You may not be as skinny as your best friend (that was me). You might have to wear glasses. Between your father and I, you will at some point need braces (I’m sorry). Your talents may be very different from one another. No matter what, I give you my word that I will always be there to assure you that you are perfect. Even if you're 500lbs and can’t read, you will always be perfect to me.
I promise to make every event in both of your lives equally important. If the first graduation gets a party, so does the second. Whoever gets married second, I promise to be as involved as I was with the first. Unless you think I was a little too involved, then I’ll do whatever it is you need.
I promise to teach you about the bird’s and the bee’s before you hear about it from some skanky skank who doesn’t even know what she’s talking about. I swear I will do everything in my power to make sure you don’t look for validation from boys. I guarantee, if you know your true value, it will be a lot easier to make ethical decisions.
Girls, I give you my word. I will try my absolute hardest to keep these promises. However, it would be naive of me to think that I will keep these promises every single day of your lives. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m not perfect and I will fail you at some point in time.
So my greatest hope is this…that both of you keep an open dialogue with me every day of our lives. If I ever hurt you in any way, my greatest wish is that you tell me. As much as we all wish everyone would just read our minds, I just can’t. So it’s going to be up to you to stick up for your own voice.
I don’t ever want to be the oblivious mother. I don’t ever want to be just your best friend. I just really want to be the best mother in the world. I also want one of those coffee cups that says so. (I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for coffee, so I feel like I’m owed that one.)
Lastly, for as long as I live, I promise nothing will ever separate me from loving you. Nothing.