Fighting for Our Marriage
I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but my husband is the Dance Captain of the Britney Spears “Piece of Me” show in Las Vegas. So in my eyes, he’s kind of a big deal.
Recently, we celebrated our 5 year anniversary. Since it was a show night, this mama got the VIP tour, VIP seats, In-N-Out dinner, and then I got to take him home. Ooo-la-la. As I watched him perform, it was the first time in a long time I felt butterflies. I could easily have been that 17yr old again in those shiny, pink Hollister pants, layered lace tank top and black choker.
I thought twice about posting this because I know it can be annoying when people talk about how great their spouse is in like a “Oooo look at how great we are!” sort of way. However, it felt more like an opportunity than a campaign.
When I had my Shiloh, I embraced motherhood. At first, I embraced it in the easy breezy way I planned. And then around 3 or 4 months post, that warm embrace turned into my own two hands tied around my own neck, suffocating the very air I needed to live.
I lost myself.
And with that, my marriage suffered. The worst part about it was I didn’t realize we were suffering. Like every normal couple, we had arguments. We solved them. We had sex…every once in a while. I was relatively happy with us.
Until I wasn’t.
When your husband travels for work, it’s very easy to blame the distance for your rocky relationship. When you are separated for weeks at a time, having to do everything on your own, of course you are going to resent it. Of course you are going to believe he’s out partying it up while you’re the one washing poop off of your hands, and dealing constantly with moments like this.
He would come home from his work travels and I was just mad. His sheer presence annoyed me. Everything he said pissed me off. Even when he was being helpful, I dismissed it as nothing. He might as well have been a stranger, hired for no pay.
Blame the distance. That was our go to. That’s what kept me from really uncovering our issues. Until I couldn’t do it anymore.
This is the moment where I think most people get it wrong.
The point when it becomes awfully easy to give up.
Except, this is why I think Marriage is so beautiful.
The more popular opinion tells us that in marriage, you’re stuck with that one person for the rest of your life. You just have to live with whatever crap they bring to the table. Well, I have a very different view.
Marriage reminds us that we are not allowed to be stuck.
Like quicksand. If you and your spouse suddenly step into quicksand, are you just going to stand there and sink to your doom? Or are you going to fight like hell to get you both out of there?
This is why being married is so freaking awesome. When we got to the point when we both “couldn’t do it anymore”… we fought.
Fighting is never easy. Yelling and screaming, now that’s easy. I’m talking about the “you didn’t ask me how my day was” or “why don’t you try to make me laugh anymore?” type of argument. It sounds so dumb, but trust me, so significant.
Marriage forces you to be vulnerable in moments when you just don’t want to be. Sort of like in a 2 year-old post tantrum way. And the best part about these moments, when you work through it, when questions get answered and when you learn how to say I’m sorry, you step right back in love again.
You STEP right back into love again.
None of this “falling” crap. Falling simply means it wasn’t on purpose. Nobody intentionally falls. That would be dumb.
I fully believe when you make the conscious decision to fight for the things you love, the battle is already won. So here’s my action point:
If you’re still dating, find someone who will fight for you.
If you’re unhappily married, fight for your spouse and for yourself.
If you’re happily married, we’re happy for you. Maybe just post 1x week on Instagram. Not daily.
All this to say, this anniversary was kind of a big deal for me. It was that moment in a movie when the lead character has all the flashbacks to the moments when all the signs were there, she just didn’t see them until that very moment when she’s in the crowd and he locks eyes with her. He’s exactly the man of my dreams. And even though, he can really piss me off, he fights for me.
I’ve never felt more proud to be his wife.